开店基金:
*姐妹
第一季 第9集
麦克斯
Max.
二号桌的女士今天五十大寿
It's the woman at table 2's 50th birthday
她丈夫请咱们帮忙唱生日歌
and her husband wants us to sing to her.
每次帮男人对他老婆"做件事" 就有一块钱的话
If I had a dollar every time a man asked me to do something to his wife,
那我早是百万富翁了
I'd be a millionaire.
我还记得生日歌刚出来那会儿呢
I remember when Happy Birthday first came up.
真没想到它居然能传唱至今
I never thought it would catch on.
快去 真心的微笑
Go! And smile.
你以假笑对世界
When you fake smile,
世界会回报以假笑
everybody else fakes smile back.
没人会想听这首恶俗的歌
Nobody wants to hear that lame song.
要想在公众场合羞辱她
If we want to humiliate her in public,
直接扯掉她上衣不更好吗
why don't we go over there and pull her top down?
来嘛 咱们就过去好好唱一下
Come on, let's just go sing and make the best of it.
你们好 准备好了吗
Hi. Ready?
一 二 三
One, two, three...
祝你生日快乐
Happy birthday to you...
搞什么
Whoa!
女士 我郑重向您道歉
Ma'am, I apologize.
被老公带来破餐馆过生日已经够不堪了
It's hard enough your husband took you to a diner on your birthday
不能再让您忍受白人版玛丽亚·凯莉的折磨
and now you have to listen to white Mariah?
门都没有
No!
小蛋糕算我送的
Cupcake's on me.
快乐哈
To yoooooooou
我有要事要宣布
I have announcement to make.
我同意麦克斯之前说的
I agree with what Max said before.
哪句 在你身上系个猫铃铛 好知道你何时在附近吗
What? That we should tie a little bell around you, so we know when you're near?
是你说生日歌很恶俗这句
That's the happy birthday song is very lame.
餐馆需要全新的方式
The diner needs a fresh, new way
来帮顾客庆祝生日
to celebrate the customer birthday.
所以我写了一首特别的歌
So I just went and wrote a special song.
憨 我很乐意过目下你的成果
Han, I'd be happy to look at what you've written so far.
我大学的时候学过乐理
I took music theory in college.
我曾以法国大革命为背景
I once wrote an entire original musical
独家写了一整出音乐剧
based on the French revolution.
抱歉 要踏入你们书呆的领域
Um, sorry to step on your nerd turf,
但关于法国大革命的音乐剧 早有《悲惨世界》在先
but Les Mis is already a musical about the French revolution.
《悲惨世界》讲述穷苦的主人公因获释后试图赎罪的历程
于上世纪八十年代被改编成音乐剧
是啊 但我的是从富人的角度出发
Yes, but mine was from the point of view of the rich.
那你下一部要改写什么...
What are you going to rewrite next--
地主角度版的《吉屋出租》吗
the musical Rent from the point of view of the landlord?
音乐剧 描述穷困的音乐家跟艺术家 在纽约求生存的故事
憨 开头不错 但...
Han, this is a lovely start, but--
开头不错
A lovely start?
不 我是称赞开头挺好
No, I mean, it's good.
但是不够好
But not good enough.
我知道你想说什么
I know what you are saying.
"憨 你得多加练习"
"You need to practice more, Han.
"憨 你永远都比不上你的姐姐"
"You never will be as good as your sister, Han.
"憨 我们举家去旅游时"
"Whole family going on vacation
"你就乖乖留在家练习吧"
without you while you practice, Han."
滚开 虎妈
Back off, tiger mom!
源自于《虎妈战歌》
指用严格的东方式教育来养育孩子的母亲
卡洛琳 麦克斯在吗
Hey, Caroline, is Max around?
可能在 我去看看
Um, she might be. I'll go check.
你做梦也想不到谁来了
You'll never guess who just came into the restaurant.
你会开心死的
You'll be very happy.
加里 《少女妈妈》里面那个胖子吗
Gary, the fat guy from Teen Mom?
《少女妈妈》 音乐电视网MTV热门真人秀节目
让你喜欢 让你双唇欲动
Someone you like, someone you want to kiss,
让你欲火焚身的那位
someone you're hot for.
泰勒 《少女妈妈》里面那个瘦子吗
Tyler, the skinny guy from Teen Mom?
强尼来这儿干嘛
What's Johnny doing here?
我告诉他不要来 除非...
I told him not to show his face unless--
除非他跟女朋友分手了
Unless he broke up with his girlfriend.
所以现在他来了 有脸来见你了
And now he's here, showing his face,
-也就是说 -你又不能确定
- which means-- - You can't know that for sure.
好吧 那你告诉我他来这的其他原因
Fine. Tell me one other reason he could possibly be in here.
他需要憨帮忙解一道复杂的数学题
He needs Han to solve a complex math problem?
麦克斯
Max!
麦克斯 显然他来这儿
Max, it's pretty obvious that he's in here
是因为他跟女友卡桑德拉分手了
because he broke up with his girlfriend "Cassandra"
不然还有什么原因啊
I mean, what else could it be?
当我还是个百万富翁时
When I had millions of dollars,
我无法确定男人来找我的真正原因
I had no idea why guys were coming to see me.
"他们是爱我呢 还是爱我的钱呢"
"Do they want me, or do they want my money?"
但你一无所有
But you have nothing!
所以也只能是因为你这个人了
So basically that just leaves you.
在我出去前 你这话还真是够"鼓舞人心"啊
Way to puff me up before I go through that door.
好兴奋啊
This is so exciting.
你有完没完 别跟怀春少女似的
Will you stop? Don't be such a girl.
头发 牙齿 有哪里不好吗
Hair? Teeth? Anything?
没问题的
You're good.
等等
Wait.
开大点
More.
-真的吗 -相信我
- Really? - Trust me.
强尼 你什么时候过来的
Oh, uh, hey, Johnny. When did you get here?
就刚刚
Uh, just now.
我之所以过来 是有话要对你说
I, uh--I came here because I want to tell you something.
什么话
Yes?
麦克斯 我觉得咱俩的情谊很特别
Max, I think you and I have something special.
我不想失去它
And I don't want to lose that.
所以我来问你一句
So I came down here to ask...
即使做不成情侣 我们还能做朋友吗
Even though it didn't work out, can we still be friends?
什么
What?
你开什么玩笑
You have got to be kidding!
卡洛琳 发生什么事了
What's going on over there, Caroline?
我和我的朋友强尼完全不知道
My friend Johnny and I have no idea
你在不爽什么
what you're upset about.
我在不爽店里的派居然没有了
I was just reacting to the news that we're out of pie.
真是让人难以置信
I really cannot believe it.
跟我想的完全不一样
I totally thought it would go a different way.
卡洛琳
Caroline...
你为什么不去放派的转盘那儿
Why don't you go over there to the pie carrousel
好好哀悼一下我们失去的派呢
and mourn the loss of our pie?
那我们没事吧
So, we're cool?
对 没事 为什么会有事呀
Yeah, we're cool. Why wouldn't we be?
我们又没有正式约过会啥的
We never dated or anything like that.
当然是朋友啦
Of course we're friends.
这让我如释重负
I am so relieved.
所以你还会像以前一样 用拳猛击我的蛋蛋吗
So, uh, you gonna go back to busting my balls, like always?
会呀
Yes.
我们关系好到我都恨不得...
We're such good friends, I might just...
用脚狠踹你的蛋蛋
bust them with my feet!
早安
Good morning.
我想把介绍我们蛋糕店的广告邮件 群发出去
I'm trying to send out a get-to-know-us email blast for the cupcake business.
但是你的无线网慢得要死
But your wi-fi is so slow.
跟我说没用 跟"凯丝家十七号"抱怨去
Don't tell me-- tell Cathyhome17,
反正我不认识她
whoever and wherever she is.
好吧 反正我要去楼下用咖啡店的网发了
Okay, well, I'm just going to run down to the coffee place and send it.
你觉得呢
Do you approve?
干得不错 字体挺漂亮
Nice job. The font's pretty.
你刚是在夸奖我吗
You just gave me a compliment?
我就知道 你心里难受
I knew it-- you're depressed.
只能跟强尼做朋友 让你心里难受到
You're so depressed about you and Johnny just being friends,
连做自己的精力都没有了
you don't even have the energy to be you.
瞎说什么 字体的确漂亮呀
What? The font is pretty.
天啊 亲爱的 想来个爱的抱抱吗
Oh, honey, do you want a hug?
-我没事 -你怎么可能没事
- I'm fine. - How could you be fine?
这个男人曾经这么喜欢你
The man was so into you,
他在广告看板上画了你俩的接吻图
he painted a billboard of the two of you kissing.
而现在他却只想跟你做朋友
And now he just wants to be friends?
别去当保姆了 打个电话请病假
Please call in sick to your babysitting job
然后上床睡觉吧
and take to the bed.
以前每当我不开心 我就去床上赖着
Whenever I used to get depressed, I'd take to the bed.
有一次 我在床上赖了整整一周
One time, I took to the bed for a week.
听着 我不像你 简·奥斯汀 我绝对不会卧床不起
Listen, unlike you, Jane Austen, I will never take to the bed.
简·奥斯汀 英国著名女性小说家
有钱人才有空玩失恋
Giving in to feelings is for rich people.
普通人只能起床
Regular people just have to get up,
灌醉自己 然后去尽他们保姆的本分
get drunk, and go fulfill their babysitting duties.
麦克斯 去床上睡觉吧
Max, take to the bed.
这就是我的套路可以了吧
Look, this is my pattern, okay?
我爱上不该爱的人
I fall for the wrong guy,
发现他们跟女人 酒精 毒品纠缠不清
I find out they're with a girl, a bottle, or a needle,
我唯有离开
and I move on.
所以有时我也借助酒精帮忙 或者是毒品 或女人
And sometimes I use a bottle to help me do it...or a needle or a girl.
但我一旦看开 就真的放下了
But when I'm done, I'm done.
就这样 你就能放下了吗
That's it? You're just over it?
我至今还放不下凯尔·恩莱特
I'm still sad because Kyle Enright
没有邀请我乘坐他的私人飞机
didn't invite me on his private jet
去米科诺斯岛过他十二岁生日这件事
to Mykonos for his 12th birthday.
米科诺斯岛是爱琴海东部的小岛
我不一样
Well, not me.
只要按个开关 那些感觉就消失殆尽
Just flip a switch and those feelings are gone.
我人生只有两个开关
I only have two switches in my life--
一个关掉我的情绪
one turns off my emotions,
另一个能让"车震"动
the other makes a car bounce.
好吧 我该走了
Okay, I better go.
十点半过后去 会被吵的事都做不了
If you get there after 10:30, you can't hear yourself think
会有一堆跟自己菲律宾老乡玩语聊的人
over the sounds of people skyping to the Philippines.
麦克斯 你确定你没事吗
Max, are you sure you're all right?
麦克斯
Max.
你是想过来轻抚 爱抚我吗
Are you about to come over here and soft-touch me?
-我超级想 -快滚蛋
- I want to so bad. - Leave!
去咖啡店 轻抚做咖啡的去
Go to the coffee place. Soft-touch the barista.
打扰一下 小姐
Excuse me, Miss.
你这样门户大开
You keep your door open like that,
这只老鼠很可能会趁机溜进去哦
this rat's probably going to get inside.
你放心 我家的猫更大只
Don't worry. You should see the size of my cat.
你来这儿干嘛
What are you doing here?
我知道你还有一个小时才出门
I knew you'd be home for another hour,
所以我给你买了杯咖啡
so I brought you coffee.
我想说
And I wanted to say...
感谢你能理解我们的状况
Thanks for understanding the situation.
你不必搞什么
Hey, you don't need to get all
"贺曼出品 强尼牌温柔眼神"
"Hallmark presents: Johnny Soft Eyes" on me.
贺曼公司是美国最大规模的贺卡及礼品公司之一
行吗 况且你又不是我的菜
Okay? You're not my type, anyway.
你只是个整晚守着酒的酒保而已
You're a bartender who's close to liquor all night
而且你还不嗜酒
and your not an alcoholic.
显然你不是懂得把握机会的人
So clearly you don't know how to seize an opportunity.
其实我懂
Yes, I do.
你从这里加入 用你美妙的萨克斯风
This is where you join in birthday song
来吹奏这生日歌
with your sweet-ass saxophone.
憨 我喜欢你 兄弟
Han, I like you, brother,
但我也跟大牌合作过
but I played with everyone
马文·盖伊到马文基佬
from Marvin Gaye to the gay Marvins.
马文·盖伊 黑人流行音乐史的超级巨星
不过马文基佬未能成名 他们生错了时代
They never made it--a little bit ahead of their time.
如果你不介意听听专业意见的话...
But if you don't mind a professional opinion, man,
你的音乐需要更用心 放入感情去做啊
you've got to put some heart into this thing.
可我母亲总是让我不要放感情
But my mother always say to run away from heart--
只有脑子才能做出好音乐
only the head can make music.
憨 你母亲听上去像个冷酷...
Han, your mother sounds like one cold--
不许你这样说我老妈
Don't you talk about my mama!
厄尔 怎么啦
Hey, Earl. What's up?
我刚被看儿童电影
I just got threatened by
都会被查年龄的人给恐吓了
a man who gets carded at Pixar movies.
麦克斯 好消息
Max, great news--
我今早发出去的邮件广告有成果了
that email blast I sent out this morning worked.
我帮咱们拉了一笔大单子
I just got us a big cupcake job
在某个叫藏金阁的地方
at some event place called The Gold Space Loft.
上次我去藏金阁时
Last time I was at the Gold Space Loft,
是去诗歌"辩"论 结果跟一个诗人"变"到床上了
I went to a poetry slam, and I wound up slamming a poet.
他们明晚要一百个蛋糕
They need 100 cupcakes by tomorrow night.
由于我是个天才
And because I'm a genius,
同时也因为时间紧急
and also because it's such short notice--
但大部分是因为我是个天才
but mostly because I'm a genius--
我把价格涨到了五百
I got them up to $500.
是一个很酷的团体艺术展
It's a cool group art show--
本土特色与大麻糕点兼备
very Williamsburg, very pot brownie.
而且强尼也有作品展出
And Johnny has a piece in it.
反正你关掉了你的开关
And since you flipped your switch,
我想应该没问题
I figured it'd be fine.
不行 我一天做不出一百个蛋糕
No way. I can't make 100 cupcakes in a day.
麦克斯 我知道这费时费力
Max, I know it's a lot of work,
但我会尽我所能去帮你的
but I'll do whatever I can to help.
这对咱俩来说是一次大机会
This is a really big opportunity for us.
我跟强尼接吻了
I kissed Johnny.
什么 何时
What? When?
你前脚踏出公寓 他后脚就进来了
He came by the apartment right after you left.
我才离开了二十分钟
I was only gone 20 minutes.
你是在下阴弄了个召唤蝙蝠侠标志吗
What'd you do--shine a bat symbol on your vagina?
别说得好像我很希望这事发生一样
Stop acting like I wanted it to happen.
我也不想这样 幸好我们只是接吻了
I didn't want it to happen. I'm lucky we just kissed.
我的裤子一直在狂喊"快扒我"
My pants kept saying, "Take me off!"
我怒吼"不行 贱人"
And I'm like, "No, pants."
告诉你 我当时差点把持不住
I'm telling you, I almost couldn't help myself.
我不明白
I don't understand.
我以为你说你已经对他没感觉了
I thought you said you were done with him.
你的套路扔到九霄云外了吗
What happened to your pattern?
告诉别人我的套路也是我套路的一部分
Telling people I have a pattern is part of the pattern.
然后我就随心所欲想干嘛就干嘛
Then I just go and do whatever I want.
我早就知道 我早就猜到 我早就该把话说出口
I knew it, I thought it, I should have said it--
男女之间就不可能有纯友谊
girls cannot be friends with guys.
是啊 你还"知道"他来找我
Yeah, well, you also knew he was coming in here
是想告诉我 他跟他女朋友分手了呢
to tell me he broke up with his girlfriend.
你省省吧
So you can suck it.
那他是要跟女朋友分手吗
Did he say he was going to break up with her?
我们没说到这个
We didn't get into it.
我们的嘴巴当时很忙 好吗
We weren't really using our mouths for talking.
那你觉得接下来会发生什么
What do you think's going to happen?
我不知道
I don't know.
不会在一个公开的艺术展发生什么
All I know is it's not going to happen at a public art show
也不会在他们一起时发生任何事
in front of him and his beautiful, cool British girlfriend.
麦克斯 你根本不用见到他们
Max, you don't even have to see them.
我们早早去那儿 把蛋糕放下
We'll get there early, we'll drop off the cupcakes,
在艺术家们出现之前 就功成身退了
and be gone before any of the artists even show up.
很好 连上十个小时班
Great. I'm going home tonight
晚上下班回家 还得通宵烤一百个小蛋糕
after my ten-hour waitress shift, to stay up all night and bake 100 cupcakes
就为了一个背着女友和我接吻的男人
for a guy I kissed who has a girlfriend.
什么声音 原来是我的自尊阵亡的声音
Ooh, what's that? My self-esteem just flatlined.
对 往这儿走
Yeah, it's this way.
我闻到一股广藿香和自命不凡的味道
I smell patchouli and pretension.
你干嘛走得小心翼翼
Why are you walking so slow?
因为我拿着的是我们的未来
Because I'm carrying our cupcake future,
我可不想我们未来的一半糖霜沾到盒子顶上
and I don't want half of our future's frosting to be on top of the box.
别紧张 我们还有时间
Relax. We still have time.
你好 欢迎来到狂轰滥炸艺术展
Oh, hello. Welcome to space blast art attack.
画廊还有大概一个小时才开门迎客
The gallery won't be open for, like, an hour.
其实我们是来送小蛋糕的
Actually, we're here delivering the cupcakes.
我们想找崔毁
We're looking for someone named Traivor.
我是来找崔毁他妈
And I'm looking for Traivor's mom,
想问问为什么会取这么个名字
to ask her why she named a person Traivor.
小崔
Traive!
你们俩先进来弄吧
You girls can set up inside.
戴着个超级高帽的人就是他
He's the one with the super-tall hat.
我爱画廊
I love galleries.
我父亲和我曾有一个艺术基金会
My father and I had an art foundation.
用来教盲童陶艺
We taught blind kids how to do ceramics.
这么有钱直接给他们买眼睛就好啦
Why didn't you just buy them eyes?
把蛋糕放这儿
Let's put them here.
这个艺术展真可笑
This art show is ridiculous--
一个叫崔毁的人
someone named Traivor,
捕梦网里塞着各种流行语
a dreamcatcher with buzzwords stuck in it.
捕梦网 传统美洲印地安人的手工艺品
还有你
And you.
他还没跟女朋友分手
Why would he hang that picture of us
为什么要把我俩的画挂出来
if he still has a girlfriend?
或许在你俩接吻后 他回去就分手了呢
Maybe he went home and broke up with her after he kissed you.
正所谓白纸黑字 有凭有据啊
The writing is literally on the wall.
不 不 我不会再相信你了
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not falling for you again.
咱们把钱收一收快闪吧
Let's just get our money and go.
这位装萝莉的大姐
Grown lady dressed like a doll,
我们找不到高帽子男
we can't find tall hat,
麻烦结下蛋糕钱 我们好走人
and we need to get paid for the cupcakes and leave.
走人 你们在说什么啊
Leave? What are you talking about.
-你们得负责端蛋糕 -什么
- You're serving the cupcakes. - Pardon?
不然我们为什么要付你们五百大洋
Well, why do you think we're paying you $500 for cupcakes?
因为我朋友实在是个天才
Because my friend's a genius.
这个消息太突然了
This is new information.
我们得跟人商量一下 小崔
We need to talk to someone. Traive!
不行 小崔正忙着弄冰雕阳具呢
Oh, no. Traive is busy installing his ice penis.
我帮你找另一个负责人吧
I could get someone else on the show committee to help.
卡珊德拉
Cashandra!
她女朋友在这儿干嘛
What's his girlfriend doing here?
天啊
Oh, God!
万一温柔眼露馅全招了怎么办
What if soft eyes wussed out and told her what happened?
-她看起来火冒三丈吗 -她看起来明艳照人
- Does she look mad? - No, she looks amazing.
麦克斯 你好呀
Max, hello.
我们有次在街上见过
We met that one time on the street.
我是卡珊德拉 强尼的女朋友
Cashandra, Johnny's girlfriend.
你好你好 我是强尼的朋友
Oh, hi, hi. I'm Johnny's friend.
我们只是朋友
We're just friends.
你好 "卡桑德拉" 我是卡洛琳
Hi, "Cassandra." I'm Caroline.
那天我也跟麦克斯在一起
I was with Max on the street.
昨天一天是
And all day yesterday.
我们每时每刻都在一起
We were together every minute.
其实我叫卡珊德拉
It's Cash-andra, actually.
但人人都叫我卡珊
But everyone calls me Cash.
你是麦克斯的商业伙伴 对吗
And you're Max's business partner, right?
对 但她的所作所为我从不干涉
Yeah, but she makes her own decisions.
好 咱们开始吧 好吧
Right. Well, let's just get to it, shall we?
我是新手哦
I'm a bleeder.
请你们来做小蛋糕
It's brilliant it all worked out
-真是个好主意 -什么意思
- with the cupcakes. - Excuse me?
是我让小崔请你们来的
Well, I told Traive to hire you for the show.
麦克斯 强尼一直对你的小蛋糕赞不绝口
Johnny cannot stop talking about your cupcakes, Max.
"麦克斯的小蛋糕水水的"
"Max's cupcakes are so moist."
"麦克斯的小蛋糕超好吃"
"Max's cupcakes are delicious."
他爱死你的小蛋糕了
He loves your cupcakes.
是啊 是啊
Yeah, yeah.
他只是随口说说
But just like in a casual way.
我是说 他都没验过货呢
I mean, he barely even touched them.
我要准备艺术展 先失陪了
So, um, I'm a bit busy getting ready for the show.
你们可以先把小蛋糕放在盘子上
Why don't you put your little cupcakes on these trays,
当客人来时你们就走起 知道吗
and when people start coming in, circulate, right?
走起 姑娘们 走起
Circulate, girls, circulate.
这太让人不爽了
Well, that wasn't uncomfortable.
快点 趁强尼还没来 咱们赶紧撤
Come on, let's bolt before Johnny gets here,
在我尊严还没分崩离析前就走
while I at least have a shred of my dignity.
我们不能失信于我们第一笔大生意
We can't just bail out of our first big job.
如果我们走了 人们会觉得我们不可靠
If we do, people will think we're flakes.
这消息会立马传遍威廉斯堡
And that'll spread faster through Williamsburg
比针织帽和疱疹流行的还快
than knit hats and herpes.
你们知道酒放哪儿吗
Hey, you ladies know where the wine goes?
-直接放这儿吧 -对
- Right here. - Yeah.
住手 不许拿酒 酒是我的
No! Just, uh, not the wine. The wine's mine.
我只供应蛋糕
Just serving cupcakes.
我一直在偷听卡珊德拉和她的朋友说话
I've been listening in on Cashandra and her girlfriends' conversations,
我觉得她对你俩的事情完全不知情
and I don't think she knows anything happened between you two.
我还知道她是个舞者
I also learned she's a dancer,
她的唇膏用的契尔氏
her lip gloss is from Kiehl's,
她和爱黛儿还是舍友
and she's school chums with Adele.
爱黛儿 英国著名灵魂女歌手
不会是那个"爱黛儿"吧
Not the Adele.
靠 她还能再牛点吗
Damn it! Could she be any cooler?
我想让她当我的女朋友
I want her to be my girlfriend.
我一定不会为了我这种人而跟她分手
I wouldn't break up with her for me.
我来了
Hi. I'm here.
很好 我还盼着今晚能更糟点呢
Great. I was hoping tonight would get weirder.
我完全不知情
I had no idea.
她这么做是为了给我个惊喜
She did it to surprise me.
她做了 我惊了
And she did-- I'm surprised.
真的很抱歉
I am so sorry.
你都有女朋友了 干嘛还亲麦克斯
You have a girlfriend. Why are you kissing Max?
你告诉她了
You told her?
是啊 抱歉
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
难道挂一张咱俩接吻的画像示众 会更低调点吗
Would the more subtle way be to paint a picture and hang it on the wall for all to see?
你疯了吗
Are you insane?
我们俩能单独聊聊吗
Could we have a moment, please?
好吧
Fine.
我会在冰雕阳具附近等
I'll be over there near the ice penis.
听着 我很抱歉
Look, I am so sorry.
如果我知道卡珊要请你们来干活
If I had known Cash was going to ask you to do all of this,
我肯定会事先告诉你
I would have told you.
你为什么选择把这幅画挂出来
And why would you choose to hang that?
因为这是我最喜欢的一幅
'Cause it's my favorite piece.
她有可能知道发生了什么吗
Is there any way she could know what happened?
不可能
No.
-天啊 你的丰唇 -分开分开
- Oh, my God. Your lips. - Split up.
我在另一头都能闻到你们的情欲味
I can smell the sex from across the room.
不行 我得留着喝
No-whoa-whoa! I need all those.
所以呢 她还是你的女朋友吗
So what? Is she still your girlfriend?
麦克斯 这很复杂
Max, it's complicated.
怎么了 我们现在是玩facebook吗
What, are we on Facebook?
这事就是很复杂
It is complicated.
我和卡珊已经在一起两年了
Cash and I have been together two years, and when--
两年了
Two years?
天啊 我就个小三
Jeez, I'm a home wrecker.
爱黛尔没准还会写首歌说我呢
Adele will probably write a song about me.
你不是小三
You're not a homewrecker.
-我是 -强尼
- I am. - Johnny!
你的朋友来了
You've got some folks.
走起 麦克斯 走起
Circulate, Max, circulate.
够了 咱俩结束了
That's it. This is over.
画上那种事 再也不会发生
That--us on the wall-- never happens again.
我撒谎了 我无法和你做朋友
I lied. I can't be your friend.
我也想跟她一样酷 但我真不酷
I was trying to be cool, but I'm not cool.
我可不认识爱黛儿
I don't know Adele.
刚才你俩说什么了
What just happened over there?
他是不是说要和女朋友分手了
Did he tell you he's breaking up with his girlfriend?
不 你是怎么回事
No. What's wrong with you?
每件事都判断失误
You haven't been right about anything?
我告诉他我们玩完了 结束了 知道吗
I told him we are done, and that's over, okay?
人家都在一起都两年了
They've been together two years.
我这个人有个特点
And I know one thing about me--
或许我会选错人
I may pick the wrong guys,
可只要事情演变成多角关系
but when I hear another woman is involved,
我立马走人
I am done.
我的套路真的到此为止
This is truly the end of my pattern.
咱们真的得走了 我们又接吻了
We have to go-- I kissed Johnny again.
什么 麦克斯 你说你要上厕所
What? Max, you said you were going to the bathroom.
是啊 他也去了
I did. And so did he.
那是无"性"别厕所
It's a unisex bathroom--
"性"呢
emphasis on the sex.
我们得马上走
We have to go.
我有点儿醉了 没有自制力
I'm a little drunk and out of control.
小崔说除非小蛋糕都没了
Traive said we won't get paid
否则坚决不结账
until every single one of the cupcakes is gone.
-我们被困在这了 -好吧
- So we're stuck here. - Fine.
那我走起
I shall go circulate.
不 你信不过
No. You cannot be trusted.
没准下次你们就在冰雕阳具那搞起来了
Next thing I know, you'll be doing him behind the ice penis.
相信我 一切就此结束了
I'm telling you, I am done.
你五分钟前就这么说了
You told me that five minutes ago.
你还跟我说了三遍 他会跟他女朋友分手呢
Well, you told me he was breaking up with his girlfriend three times.
所以今晚我们学到了 你不了解强尼
So I guess we learned tonight that you know nothing about him,
而我也不了解自己
and I know nothing about me.
干杯
Cheers!
等等
Wait for me.
姑娘们
Hello, girls.
崔毁告诉我 你们想快点结账走人
Traivor told me you were looking to get paid.
但先声明 除非所以小蛋糕都没了
But just to be clear, you can't actually be paid
否则你们是拿不到钱的
until all the cupcakes are gone.
帮我个忙 亲爱的
And do me a favor, love,
留个巧克力味的给强尼
put a chocolate aside for Johnny.
他喜欢巧克力
He loves chocolate.
虽然有机会时会吃吃香草味
He'll eat a vanilla if it's available,
但他的最爱始终是巧克力
but he always goes back to chocolate.
我认为他不会跟她分手
I don't think he's going to break up with her.
真的吗
Really?
你的准确度就跟魔法八号球一样
You have the accuracy rate of a magic 8 ball.
魔法八号球
造型是撞球的八号球 暗想问题 晃一晃便会出现随机的预设答案
瞧她 多美丽动人
Look at her. She's so pretty.
贱格无耻
And bitchy. And...
还是美丽多多 贱格少少
More pretty than bitchy.
天啊 她为他连帽衫拉拉链
Oh, God. She just zipped his hoodie
还整理头发 那才是情侣
and fixed his hair-- that's a couple.
他们才是真情
What they have is real.
他们才是一对 强尼和卡珊
They are a couple-- Johnny and Cash.
太牛了 强尼·卡什
Oh-ho, crap! Johnny Cash!
强尼·卡什
美国传奇乡村歌手
他们天生就是一起的
They're an institution.
我从来没有机会
I never had a chance.
别管钱了 咱们走吧
Forget the money-- let's just go.
不要
Mm-mmm.
我们要坚持到蛋糕都没了
We are staying till these cupcakes are gone.
我不能没钱没尊严地走掉
I am not leaving with no dignity and no money.
好吧 我去多转几圈
Fine, I'll circulate a couple more times.
等等
Wait a minute.
他们说小蛋糕要全没了
They said they had to be gone,
但他们没说要怎么把它们弄没了
but they didn't say who had to make them gone.
我们吃完 然后走人
We eat them and go!
你非做不可 我可是把你从贫民窟中救回来
You're doing it! I rescued you from the gutter.
这种说法不准...
Uh, well, that's not entirely accura--
麦克斯 醒醒
Max, wake up.
都下午三点了
It's 3:00.
我们忘记定闹钟了
We forgot to set the alarm.
我真没想到跟另一个女人在床上醒来
Oh, I never thought waking up in bed with another woman with...
胸部还粘满奶油 感觉会这么不爽
frosting on my boobs, would be this depressing.
你今天感觉怎么样
How are you feeling about it all today?
想谈谈吗
Do you want to talk?
-不 -好吧
- No. - Good.
你的钱包呢
Where's your purse?
我要拿点昨晚赚的钱去买咖啡 没错
I'm going to take some of the money we made last night and get coffee. And yes--
我就是要这副样子走出去
I am walking down the street like this,
因为昨晚过后 羞耻心对我来说就是浮云
because after last night, I am impenetrable to shame.
慢着 咱们没有钱
Wait, we don't have any money.
-不 我们有 -是的 我们没有
- Yes, we do. - No, we don't.
我们有过 但花掉了
We did, but we don't.
我拿它卖了点东西
I bought something with it.
我买了这个
I bought this.
你自己把这幅画搬回家的 那我干嘛去了
You carried that home? Where was I?
走在我三个街区前 到处跟陌生人说你的套路
Three blocks ahead of me, telling strangers about your pattern.
我看到你和强尼就这么晾着
I saw you and Johnny just hanging there,
我就知道我该做点什么
and I knew what I had to do.
然后呢 把它继续挂墙上吗
So what, am I supposed to hang that up?
不 你应该亲手毁掉它
No. You're supposed to destroy it.
你得忘掉他 所以你得一脚踹飞这个
You need to get over him, so you're going to kick this,
然后你就会一脚把他踹出你的世界
and then you're going to kick him once and for all.
你想打破你的套路吗
You want to break your pattern?
先从打破这副画开始吧
Start by breaking the painting.
真是他妈的浪费钱
That is a complete waste of money.
或许之前我对强尼的判断都错了
I may have been wrong about everything else about Johnny,
但在这件事上我是对的 快点
but I'm right about this. Come on.
踹啊
Kick it.
我做不到
I can't.
-把脚给我 -什么
- Give me your foot. - What?
抬起你的脚
Lift up your leg.
耶 你做到了
Yay! You did it.
干得好
Good for you!
你打破了这幅画 或许你的套路也就此结束
You broke a painting and maybe your pattern.
我真的很喜欢他
I really liked him.
我知道
I know.
反正白天的工作都睡过了 无所谓了
I slept through my day job, so what the heck?
我要上床赖着或干点别的了
I think I will take to the bed or whatever.
二十分钟就好
Just for like 20 minutes.
我把闹钟定好 然后起床出门工作
I'll set my alarm and then I'll get up and get ready for work.
麦克斯 拜托 我觉得我们应该抱抱
Max, please, I feel like we need a hug.
"睡"完还要抱抱 你们女人也要求太多了吧
We just slept together! You women are so needy.
