CoCoup de foudre. In France, that’s how we say love at first sight. Translated literally, though, it means “thunderbolt”, or “lightening strike”. Good grief. Love doesn’t get more dramatic than that.
在法语里，一见钟情被称为“Coup de Foudre“。直接翻译过来就是“晴天霹雳”或“闪电袭击”。太悲伤了。没有比这更戏剧化的爱情了。
A coup de foudre is the apex love experience in romantic western myth; it’s when Eros marks you out, takes aim, draws back his bow and lets his arrow fly. Thunk. You are struck. In the heart. A much idealised experience – why, I’m not sure, because this one single love event can’t be love at all.
一见钟情是西方浪漫主义神话中爱情体验的顶点：当爱神丘比特瞄准你，上弓，把箭发射出去。铛!正中你的心脏。这是一个非常理想化的体验 - 为什么，我也不知道，因为这样一个简单的过程不可能产生真正的爱。
It’s something else, I believe, an inner psychological phenomenon. Jung says it’s when the anima or animus complex is triggered, suddenly and mysteriously, and then – shazam - you see yourself in the opposite gender.
我觉得这是另一种内在的心理现象。荣格说，当男性心中的女性特征或女性心中的男性特征被触发时，然后——嗒哒!——人们就看到了自己心理中异性的那一面，这一过程神秘而令人猝不及防。
A divine narcissism. Some kind of flag is raised and some inner part of the self recognises the signal, as though a flare is shot up … into the universe: you’ve sighted “another” as a romantic ideal. That’s the version I most buy.
这是一种神圣的自恋。就好像你的心里升起了一面旗帜，然后自我的某个内在部分意识到了这个信号，然后内心就好像有一颗闪光弹射进了你的宇宙：你把“另一个人”视为一个浪漫的理想型。这个解释我最喜欢的版本。
It is when you recognise your chosen beloved, your “soul mate”. You think you’ve met “the one” … but is “the one” you’ve met really some complex mix of yourself in opposite and those who cared for you as a child, or didn’t? Is our beloved what psychologists call the imago, ie, an image of the first ever one who loved us (or not): our mother or father?
当你选择爱人，选择“灵魂伴侣”的时候，你以为你遇到了那个命中注定的人，但你那个人真的是你自己和那些从小就关心你的人的结合体吗?我们深爱的人是否就是心理学家所说的“意象”，也就是第一个爱我们(或不爱我们的人)的形象：我们的母亲或父亲?
The idea is that we all have this complex ideal lover buried deep inside. We tend, in adulthood, to romantically fixate on “a type” of love object already buried deep, from very early on. So, it follows, the one we are waiting to meet, we actually know well. Ergo, we’ve already met our beloved before we’ve met him, or her, or them. We’re just looking for this same person again.
这个想法的关键是，我们都有一个复杂的理想情人深埋在内心深处。成年后，我们倾向于从很早的时候就对“一种”深埋心底的爱人产生浪漫的迷恋。所以，其实我们已经很了解人生中接下来将要见到的人。因此，在我们真正遇见所爱的人之前，我们其实已经遇见了他(或她，或他们)。我们只是一直在寻找同一个人而已。
My father, for example, was an aloof, emotionally distant, charismatic alpha male. It’s no surprise that this is “my type” of man. When I was younger, this type of man again and again raised the flag of animus. My chakras all lit up in a row. Poof.
例如，我的父亲是一个冷漠、情感疏远、有魅力的大男人。毫无疑问，这就是我喜欢的类型。在我年轻的时候，这种类型的男人一次又一次地唤醒了我内心中的男性特征。我的能量被一点一点地激活了。噗。
Imagine how cute and alluring that is, a woman flashing all her chakras, involuntarily, at a man. Many people blush profusely when they meet “the one”, or get flustered. Others find themselves struck dumb, unable to speak coherently.
想象一下这样的情景是多么可爱又迷人啊，一个女人不由自主地向一个男人展示她所有的能量。很多人在遇到“真命天子”，或者内心小鹿乱撞的时候，都会脸红。有些人则发现自己哑口无言，无法连贯地说话。A coup de foudre is not always a comfortable experience. Why should it be? It might change the course of your life. A god has wounded you in the heart, on purpose, for his pleasure.
一见钟情并不总是一种美好的经历。为什么会这样呢?它可能会改变你的人生轨迹。上帝故意要伤害你的心，只为给自己找乐子。
Some people stare. The heart rate can gallop. We can be rendered stupid. Sound familiar?
有些人看着我们的时候，我们就会感到心跳加速。我们突然会变得很蠢。听起来是不是很熟悉?
This raises the question: is the thunder strike really some kind of cruel trick? Are we forever driven towards a barely disguised version of our parents? That works well if the childhood was loving and secure, but not so well for those of us who suffered neglect.
那么问题来了：一见钟情真的是一种残酷的诡计吗?我们是否永远都在被逼着寻找和我们父母相似的人?如果童年是充满爱和安全的，这很好，但对于我们这些童年遭受忽视的人来说就不那么好了。
What we do know is that when lightning strikes two people at the same time, lucky them. It leads to a kind of mutual spaced-out zone, a glowing gloam of loved-upness that can last a couple of years. People marry if they are both shot by Eros at the same time, or they should. It’s heady stuff. However, a double lightning strike, shared love at first sight, is actually quite rare.
我们所知道的是，当丘比特的爱之箭同时击中两个人时，他们就成了幸运儿。它让两个人直接形成了一片只属于他们的地带，形成一种可以持续几年的充满爱的光芒。如果双方同时被丘比特射死，他们俩就会结婚，或者应该结婚。很令人兴奋。然而，一见钟情其实相当罕见。
If you alone are struck and your love object is indifferent, with someone else and/or repulsed by you, then you’re left to manage your thunder strike as best you can. Here’s a tip: never, under any circumstances, declare yourself. It can’t go well. There will be a period of unrequited love and this will be painful. The good news is, your projection on to another, if not received and returned, will eventually fizzle out.
如果你独自一人被击中，那你所爱的对象是冷漠的，同时你也会拒绝其他的人，那么你只能尽你最好的努力去处理这样的情况。给你个建议：任何情况下都不要太过于向别人敞开心扉。这样没有好处。你可能会收获一段没有回报的爱情，很让人痛苦。但好消息是，如果你对另一个人投入了很多却没有收获会报，这段感情最终都会走向终点。
Speaking of types, sadly, there are some generalities to the mystery, too. Beauty, youth, power, wealth, intellect, good health, good teeth … we are all generally attracted to these traits in others. Of course, a young (ie fertile) and beautiful woman is every man’s “type”. She is the manifestation of every goddess there is, more or less, and men are preternaturally drawn to her from childhood.
遗憾的是，说到不同类型的人，他们也有一些共性。美丽、年轻、有力量、财富、智慧、健康、有好看牙齿……我们通常都会被他人的这些特质所吸引。当然，年轻漂亮的女人是每个男人的“类型”。她们或多或少都是一位女神的化身，男人从小就被她们所吸引。好莱坞明星是全世界人的梦中情人。
A bold, handsome, manly “warrior” will fell most straight women. Mostly, a coup de foudre makes itself apparent immediately. My advice: stay cool. Interrogate it, and good luck. But do remember, its only an aspect of love, not the thing itself.
一个勇敢、英俊、有男子气概的“战士”会让大多数女人爱上他。最重要的是，一见钟情可能很容易，但我的建议是：保持冷静。要仔细审视它，然后祝你好运。但请记住，这只是爱的一个方面，而不是爱情本身。
