An Alternative Guide for Valentine’s Day——情人节的另类指南

Whether you’re dating someone new or have been partnered for years, there can be a ton of pressure in planning an elaborate and romantic Valentine’s Day date. In 2024, Americans are expected to spend $14.2 billion to celebrate this day of love, according to a new report by the National Retail Federation. With gifts ranging from candy and greeting cards to evenings out and jewelry, the question becomes: what does all of this pressure and spending really get us? After sitting in over-crowded restaurants, exchanging boxes in pink and red wrapping paper, then rushing home just to fall fast asleep from exhaustion, where is the romance?

无论您是与新人还是与生活多年的另一半约会。计划一个精美且浪漫的情人节都会有很大的压力。2024年，美国人预计将会花费142亿美元来庆祝这个充满爱的日子。根据美国零售联合会的一份新报告。从糖果、贺卡到晚出娱乐和华丽的珠宝，礼物的种类多种多样，那么问题来了：这些压力和花销究竟给我们带来了什么？坐在人满为患的餐厅里，互相交换着用粉色和红色的纸包装的盒子，然后带着疲惫回家只为匆忙入睡，浪漫在哪里呢？

If Valentine’s Day feels perfunctory (or you would rather skip the whole thing entirely), you’re not alone. Many people ditch Valentine’s Day and opt out of what some see as just another consumer holiday. But, if you’re a hopeless romantic, or just like the idea of a day dedicated to love, here are ways to celebrate that will not only break you out of your normal routine, but also bring you closer to your date.

如果情人节让你感到很敷衍（或者说你恨不得完全跳过这一切），那么你并不孤单。很多人放弃了情人节并选择不参加这样一个被很多人认为是另一种消费节日的“情人节”。但如果你是一个浪漫主义者或者只是喜欢有一个专门的日子来庆祝爱情的想法，那么这里有一些点子可以让你即打破了日常的惯例，还会让你更加亲近你的约会对象。

Great restaurants tend to book up quickly for Valentine’s Day, which means unless you already have a reservation, you may be left with less-than-optimal choices. Even with a reservation, it can be a lot to go out on a night when so many others have the same idea and the pressure is mounting. Restaurants are filled to capacity. Wait staff can become overwhelmed by the deluge of patrons and may not be at the top of their game. Busy restaurants mean lots of noise, which may make conversation strained or impossible. All of these factors contribute to a less than romantic atmosphere—for you and your date.

优质的餐厅往往在情人节时会被一扫而空。那就意味着除非你已经有一个预定，否则你可能会被留下来选择不太理想的餐馆。有时即使你已经预定成功，在那么多人都有相同的想法且压力不断增大的夜晚出行也会很辛苦。餐厅已经坐满了。服务员因大量涌入的顾客而不堪重负并且可能不能发挥出他们的最佳水平。繁忙的餐厅里意味着噪音很大，这会让谈话变得压抑甚至无法交流。所有的这些因素会导致你的约会几乎没有任何浪漫的氛围-对你和你的约会对象来说都是如此。

This doesn’t mean you can’t have a romantic dinner date on Valentine’s Day. A couple of low key but special ideas are staying in for a meal at home or revisiting a spot that has meaning for the two of you. If you’re in a new relationship, cooking (or even heating up a premade version of your date’s favorite meal) can set a romantic tone for the evening—especially if you throw in setting a nice table, lighting candles, and choosing music that you will both enjoy. You may also try being device-free for the evening. All of this shows effort and a genuine interest in spending quality time with each other.

但这不意味着你不能在情人节进行异常浪漫的晚餐约会。一些低调但特别有想法的主意包括在家里吃晚饭并重温你们两人认为都有意义的一些地点等。如果你们是新恋情，做饭（甚至是直接加热你对象爱吃的预知菜）可以为晚上营造浪漫的氛围--尤其是如果你摆设一个漂亮的餐桌，点燃蜡烛，并选择你们两个都喜欢的音乐。你也可以尝试在晚上不使用电子设备。所有这些都显示了你们花费优质时间的努力和真诚兴趣。

For those who have been partnered for a while, think about special moments you’d like to revisit. Did you have a fun bowling date early on in your relationship that felt like a turning point in your love story? Is there an ice cream parlor that the two of you love to visit, but it’s been a while? The trick with Valentine’s Day dates for couples in long-term relationships is to do something different from your regular date night. Avoid your usual haunts or neighborhood go-to’s and expand into activities that will break up your routine. Exploring together can reignite those first-date feelings all over again.

对于那些已经携手走过一段时光的情侣来说，想一个你们想重温的特殊时刻。在你们的亲密关系中，你们有曾做过一些能让你们重回爱情起点的一些事吗，比如保龄球约会？你们有两人都喜欢去但已经有一段时间没去的冰淇凌店吗？对于长期关系中的情侣来说，情人节约会的技巧是做一些与你们平时约会不同的事情。避免去你们通常去的地方或附近的熟悉场所，扩展到一些能打破日常规律的活动。一起探索可以重新点燃那种初次约会时的感觉。

Valentine’s Day has a certain innocence to it. It’s a popular day to get engaged. The beginning of the date is all about connecting with and wooing your partner, sharing emotionally intimate moments, and being vulnerable by sharing your deepest feelings. We all know that the end of a Valentine’s date can also have amorous intentions.

情人节有一种特殊的纯真感。这是一个结婚的热门日子。约会的开始是与你的伴侣建立联系和追求的时刻，分享情感上亲密的时刻，通过分享自己内心最深处的感受来表现自我的脆弱。我们都知道情人节约会的结束可能有性爱的意图。

Lovey-dovey feelings aside, a lot of couples look forward to Valentine’s Day for the sex. What we don’t talk about is that the set up for a Valentine’s date could make having sex at the end of the night difficult, if impossible. Eating a heavy meal, enjoying fancy cocktails or several rounds of drinks, and being energetically drained by going out can all put a damper on sexual interest for one or both parties. If you’ve ever had this happen, on Valentine’s Day or any other major date night like an anniversary or birthday, you’re not alone.

撇开爱意绵绵的感觉不谈，很多情侣期待情人节的性生活。但我们不谈的是情人节的约会安排可能会让晚上结束后的性爱变得困难甚至是不可能。吃了一顿沉重的大餐，享受了一些精致的鸡尾酒或几轮饮料，还有外出后精力被消耗殆尽，这一切都可能让一方或双方对性爱的兴趣大打折扣。如果你曾遇到过这种情况，无论是在情人节还是任何约会的节日，你并不孤单。

In fact, advice columnist and host of Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage, has been extolling the benefits of having sex before a date night for years. If you plan on having an indulgent meal either at home or at a restaurant, consider having sex before you eat. This will ensure that you get to connect sexually on Valentine's Day. Savage also mentions how it can help build your appetite so that special dinner will be all the more satisfying.

事实上，专栏作家和《野性之爱》播客主持人丹·萨维奇（Dan Savage）多年来一直在赞扬在约会之前进行性生活的好处。如果你计划在家里或餐厅里享受一顿奢侈的大餐，考虑在吃饭前发生性关系。这将确保你们在情人节上能够性方面建立联系。萨维奇还提到，这可以帮助增加你的食欲，使那顿特别的晚餐更加令人满意。

For many couples, romance doesn’t just begin and end with kisses and cuddles. Sexual satisfaction is a main driver for overall relationship satisfaction, and ultimately, benefits you long-term to invest in your sexual connection.

对很多情侣来说，浪漫不仅仅是亲吻和拥抱。性满足是整体关系满意度的一个主要驱动因素，最终，投资于性关系对你们的长期关系有益。

If you’re staying in on Valentine’s Day, watching a movie together can be a sweet addition to your evening. Romantic movies can be fun, and there are so many sub genres to choose from like rom-coms, romantic dramas, and even romantic fantasy. But if you’re feeling spicier and want to set a sexy tone for your night, you can watch ethical porn together—a known medium that can help boost communication and intimacy within a relationship. Erika Lust, Make Love Not Porn, and Crashpad Series offer great alternatives to mainstream porn.

在情人节当天起看一场电影也是夜晚约会的甜蜜佐料。爱情电影应该会很不错，还有很多不同的子类供选择，比如浪漫喜剧、浪漫剧情片，甚至浪漫奇幻片。但如果你想要更加火辣，想要为你们的夜晚设定性感的氛围，你们可以一起观看道德色情片——这是一个已知的媒介，可以帮助增进关系中的沟通和亲密关系。Erika Lust、Make Love Not Porn 和 Crashpad Series 提供了对主流色情片的很好替代。

Somewhere in between romance and porn lies great erotic films you can find on streaming services now. A few notable ones are Saltburn, Call Me By Your Name, the Magic Mike trilogy, Carol, Secretary, Blue Is the Warmest Colour, Bros, or even Fifty Shades of Grey. These will be sure to turn the heat up on your night and provide some fun inspiration for the after show.

在浪漫与色情之间有很多优秀的情色电影，你现在可以在流媒体服务中找到。一些值得注意的有《Saltburn》、《请以你的名字呼唤我》、《魔力麦克三部曲》、《卡罗尔》、《秘书》、《蓝色是最温暖的颜色》、《兄弟》甚至《五十度灰》。这些电影肯定会让你们的夜晚更加火热，并为演出后提供一些有趣的灵感。

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what turns you on unless you see it depicted. If you’re feeling inspired by what you see, switching up your routine to a more visual experience can increase excitement and anticipation for sex.

有时候除非你看到它被描述出来，否者你很难准确的知道你因为什么而兴奋。如果你感到被你看到的事物所激励了，改变你的日常习惯以获得更多的视觉体验能够增加性行为的兴奋和期待。

Part of having a fun Valentine’s Day date is breaking out of your normal routine and finding new ways to connect with your partner. Most couples who cohabitate see their partners so frequently that it can feel like there are no surprises. Their behaviors and patterns may become so predictable that it’s easy to think you know more about them than you actually do. Changing up what you do together allows for both of you to show different and unexpected sides of yourself, which can drive attraction.

享受情人节的一个部分就是打破常规并寻找新的方式与伴侣建立联系。大多数同居情侣由于太频繁的见到彼此，他们感受不到任何的惊喜。他们的行为和处事特点可能变得如此可预料以至于很容易误以为自己对他们了解比实际了解的更多。改变你们在一起的行为方式可以让你们展现出自己不同以及不可预料的一面，这可能会增加吸引力。

There are a ton of games that can help you use your brains in a different way, play together, and engage in some healthy competition. These include classic games like Truth or Dare, Scrabble, and dominoes. If you’re looking for something more physical, try a game of strip poker or strip Twister. And if you prefer to be mentally stimulated, try 20 Questions, Would You Rather, or even make up a trivia game about your partner. Some games for couples even allow you to talk more openly about sex, like The School of Life’s Pillow Talk. This can be an opportunity to get closer by talking about your desires and turn-ons.

有很多游戏可以帮助你通过不同的方式使用你的大脑。一起娱乐并且专注于某些健康的竞争。这些游戏包括真心话大冒险，Scrabble和骨牌。如果你想要更具体的活动，可以尝试一场脱衣扑克或脱衣踢踏舞游戏。如果你更想要精神层面的刺激，可以尝试20个问题，你更愿意做什么，甚至编一个关于你伴侣的知识竞赛游戏。一些游戏对情侣来说甚至能让他们更开放的谈论性，就像 The School of Life 的 "Pillow Talk" 一样。这可以是一个通过谈论你的愿望和性趣来更加亲近的机会。

Rather than having huge expectations for Valentine’s Day, it’s important to remember that having regular date nights that bring in a little Valentine’s Day spirit on a more regular basis will only benefit your relationship. Any of the above ideas can be used for inspiration for a monthly or even weekly date night that sparks romantic connection.

与其对情人节抱有很大的期望，更重要的是要记住，定期举行一些带有一点情人节精神的约会，这将会更有益于你们的关系。以上任何想法都可以用作每月甚至每周一次的约会的灵感，激发浪漫的情感联系。

If date nights feel inaccessible, consider different ways to maintain your romantic interest in your partner. This could be as simple as taking a daily walk together or spending time each night before bed chatting about what really matters to each of you. In recent years, apps like Paired have found ways to boost and maintain romantic connection by supplying questions and conversation starters.

如果约会之夜让人觉得无法实现，考虑一些不同的方式来保持对伴侣的浪漫兴趣。这可能就是简单地每天一起散步，或者在睡前每晚花一些时间聊聊彼此真正关心的事情。近年来，像 Paired 这样的应用程序已经找到了提高和保持浪漫关系的方法，提供问题和话题开场白。

Romance doesn’t have to begin and end in one day. This Valentine’s Day, consider breaking free from traditional date ideas and expanding your romantic repertoire with your partner.

浪漫并不一定要在一天内始终如一。在这个情人节，考虑摆脱传统的约会想法，与你的伴侣一起拓展你的浪漫技能吧！

---选自 美国《TIME》杂志